Leo's Third Birthday

Today Leo turned three and I think (I hope) his birthday was all he dreamed it would be. We wanted to make the day special - but not too over the top. We wanted him to feel like it is his special day, while reminding him that it is also a special day for everyone that loves him.

(jb did this by telling him that, in a way, it is everyone's birthday because so many of us remember his birth and meeting him for the first time. This resulted in him wishing a happy birthday right back to everyone who wished him a happy birthday.)

The night before I stayed up decorating his chair and making a streamer doorway to the kitchen. When he's older perhaps I'll make one for his bedroom door, but these days he usually wakes up in our room.

jb took the morning off work so we were all able to have breakfast together. Leo and Zoe shared some fruit while I made pancakes. I whipped up some heavy cream with a touch of sugar for "icing" and added sprinkles, candles and singing. He was tickled that he got to eat "cake" for breakfast.  

Then he got some time to play with dad before lunch. For lunch he requested a hotdog, so we obliged with the stipulation that he start with a bowl of broccoli. After lunch, jb went into work and we had story time. We've had a bit of a sleep deficit around here, so he needed the rest and a friend recently passed along a large bag of books to us, so we were all set for an epic story time. 

After napping for a couple hours, he requested a trip to the playground - so off we went. We serendipitously ran into several friends and Leo had a great time. 

Soon dinner time rolled around and jb met up with us to go to Leo's current favorite restaurant, Manakeesh. We ate flatbreads and drank lemonade and just as we were going to wrap it up we surprised him with a mini-cupcake and candle and another round of birthday songs and wishes - interestingly, he wished for a cupcake. 

Finally, we walked home and got ready for bed and he fell asleep pretty darn happy. 

Throughout the day he kept saying he was having a really great birthday - which was really nice to hear, and I believed him. We also received several calls from family to wish him a happy birthday - this is where the "It's a special day for all of us" lesson was repeated. He doesn't have a ton of patience for phone calls to begin with, multiply that by eight and add the distraction of balloons, and, well, it can devolve quickly. But he did pretty well thanking people for their calls and telling them about his day. 

I know kids get harder to impress as they get older, but man, today was perfect. His excitement and happiness were perfect. We managed to get through the day with minimal overwhelmed-ness and no meltdowns, so I hope that sets the tone for the year. 

Leo says his favorite part of the day was the cake - for me, I think it was his birthday interview. The video isn't perfect (almost 15 minutes long and features a cameo of Zoe screaming) but I'm hoping to post it, and perhaps a transcript, soon. 

In The Weeds

Today is the last day that I will be the mama of two kids under three. Leo turns three tomorrow and I'm flooded with feelings of happiness, pride, sadness and relief.  Mostly, I'm just glad we survived this year. (Please keep any "If you think two was hard, just wait until three!" comments to yourself.)

It's been a tough year.  An amazing year, certainly, but I've been short on sleep, patience, and time to myself.  It hasn't been any one thing that has made this year difficult.  Leo has had his two year old challenges, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Zoe is a pretty easy baby.  They get along great.  There's nothing exceptionally challenging about our situation - and yet...  When I am out and about with both kids we get a lot of sympathetic smiles and "You've certainly got your hands full!" comments.  I usually smile and respond by saying, "Happily so, but yes, quite full!"  I've also had two separate people reminisce about when their kids were the ages my children are now and refer to it as "the weeds."  That rang so very true.  I find these comments so validating.

I know I'm not the first person to have kids.  People have juggled more kids/multiples/closer ages with less support, smaller budgets and fewer resources - but I'm not embarrassed to say this year has kicked my ass.  Going from one kid to two has taken me for a spin.

I keep thinking things will settle down soon.  That I'll catch up.  But I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is just our new normal.  And that's ok.  I'll get better at it.  Or things will shift again.  It will work out somehow.  Or at least time will continue to march on.

In the meantime I'm doing my best to not rush this time.  It doesn't need my help - it's flying by all on it's own.  I try to remember to be in the moment as much as possible.  Even if the moments are totally hectic.  Leo will never be two again.  It's bittersweet.

I'm trying to balance remembering that there is a light at end of this tunnel and also reminding myself that I don't WANT to be rescued from this time in our lives.  It's a lot of hard work, but the rewards are monumental.  My babies are babies.  They are forging this amazing relationship with each other.  They are learning hundreds of things each minute.  They need me (seriously, like every freaking second).  I take comfort in, but also lament that things won't be like this forever.

I'm probably still going to feel overwhelmed.  I'll probably still raise my voice or snap at my partner.  I'll probably even break down and cry some days.  The truth is I have no illusions that it will get easier, I just know it will get different.  I have many years ahead of me to pee alone.  And when they are here I probably will miss the days when most of our problems could be traced back to a kid being either too tired or too hungry.

Newborns are tough.  Toddlers are tough.  Preschoolers are tough.  Big kids are tough.  The teenage years are a breeze, though, right?  No?  Ok.  So kids are tough all around.

Each stage has it's unique challenges and rewards and I'm sure whatever stage you are muddling through at the time seems like the stage that is finally going to break you.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to survive.  Many before me have.  So, if you are in the weeds with me, maybe we can get together for coffee in about twenty years and complain about how the kids never call.

Mother's Day Highlights

Another fantastic and traditionally low key Mother's Day at our house.  Here were the my top ten favorite things about the day (in order of appearance):

1. Sleeping in

2. Good morning hugs and kisses

3. Latte delivery from my favorite coffee shop

4. Homemade card
5. Open windows for the perfect cross-breeze in the house

6. Best egg sandwich of my life

7. Fresh made brownies

8. Call/texts/messages from people who are not my children

9. Seamless bedtime routine for the kids
10. Foot Rub

I hope you had a great day, too!

WW: Siblings in The Springtime

My House Is Clean (No Thanks To Me)

I love to play the "If We Won The Lottery" game, in which I enumerate all the luxuries I would indulge in regularly if we had the cash.  Among the mani-pedis, massages, and shameless shopping one treat always makes the list: Cleaning help.  Well last week I got to live the dream (ha) when Home Joy invited me to try their services (disclosure: Home Joy provided a free cleaning).

I easily booked our cleaning online and the cleaner assigned to our home arrived on time, asked what we'd like him to focus on, and did a really thorough job.  My priority is clean floors since so much of this happens in our house:

And our floors got clean - all of our floors.  Including the corners and under the furniture - not just "por donde ve la suegra" (where your mother-in-law will see), as my mother would say.  And not just the floors, all those spots I don't usually get to (like dusting the shelves) got some much needed attention.

I planned to take the kids to the playground to stay out of the way that day, but it was a rainy and chilly spring day so we stayed in the house during our appointment.  Our cleaner was friendly and good with the kids (Leo was very curious about the whole thing).  I felt comfortable knowing that Home Joy cleaners are insured, bonded and pass background checks.

I also really liked that they texted me a reminder about my upcoming appointment and an easy follow up to make sure I was happy with my experience.  They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee - so if you do decide to give them a try, you've got nothing to lose.

The best part?  The rate for in-home cleaning is $20/hour.  That makes it reasonable to fit into our budget from time to time - which will be such a treat.  Home Joy is new to the Philly area and is officially launching tomorrow, Wednesday, May 8th.  Just in time for Mother's Day ;)

Note: Right now they are only servicing Philly proper, but they have plans to expand to other neighborhoods.  If you'd like to be notified when cleaners will be available in your area you can sign up for a follow-up e-mail.  

An Agnostic's Orthodox Easter

This Sunday we celebrated Easter.  jb and I both grew up in the Orthodox church which follows the Julian calendar.  While most Christians follow the Gregorian calendar and celebrated Easter back at the end of March, Orthodox Christians are celebrating this week - and we are joining them.

I'm still figuring out what role religion plays in our lives exactly - I think for many queer people, a relationship with religion can be complicated.  Sometimes I think that I want to keep our holidays purely secular and based on celebrating the passing seasons.  I'd like to think of them as a way to maintain tradition and take advantage of the times that most of our country is celebrating.  Sometimes I want to acknowledge something bigger than this life.  I just don't always know what that is.  How much does tradition really count when you aren't sold on the premise?

For now, we are continuing to celebrate Easter/Christmas/Etc. We are doing our best to convey the beliefs behind the holidays to the kids, while also making it clear that people believe many different things and it's ok to not know exactly what you believe.  I also hope that we are modeling the ability to make traditions our own.  I'm heading up the seasonal and more secular traditions - for example dying eggs and planting our garden - and jb is taking the lead on the religious and church affairs.  (Although, we had to abort our midnight Easter service excursion this year because we made the mistake of putting pjs on the kids thinking it would be fine to wake them up at 11 to dress them in church clothes - ha.  Next year back to putting them to bed in the clothes they will wear to church.)

We spent the day at my brother-in-law's home.  The kids had an egg hunt (yes, Zoe could crawl to find some obviously placed eggs all on her own!), we shared a delicious meal, and Leo played (and won) his first game of Uno.  It was lovely.

Leo is pretty much taking holidays - all holidays - at face value.  Although he does have plenty of questions about church, which we do our best to answer.  I'm not looking forward to the day when Leo has questions about religion's role in advocating against families like ours - but I think he will be able to understand that there is good and bad in most things in this world.  We just need to seek out the good.  If the good doesn't outweigh the bad, then that's not for you.

If/When he asks why I was ok making religious based holidays and visits to church a part of our life despite not being sure what I believe and knowing that politically, the "religious" right has not been a friend of ours - I will point to the underlying message of love.  I will point to all the wonderful and kind people of faith in our lives.  I will point to the comfort belief in something bigger than yourself - whether that is god, community, or the universe - can provide. I hope he will see that those advancing hate in the name of god are the ones that are wrong.

"The Gospel message of the Resurrection is as simple as it is radical: We are called to stand for love where hatred persists, to preach compassion where injustice abounds, and to insist on dialogue where division prevails." -Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew

WW: May Day

The Miseducation of Zoe Aurora

Leo, like any good big brother, loves to teach Zoe things.  He is always talking to her or narrating what he's doing for her benefit.

"Zoe, I'm putting my socks on.  You have to make the hole really big so your foot will fit inside.  When you get bigger you can put your own socks on, too."

"Zoe, I'm eating a cookie.  Babies can't eat cookies, but you can have some blueberries.  Blueberries are really good!  And when you are big like me, we can both have a cookie."

It's really sweet.  And very educational for Zoe, I'm sure.  Leo does know a lot.  But he doesn't know quite as much as he *thinks* he knows.  For example:

Leo said to her, "Zoe, this is used to make honey.  Isn't that interesting? It's yellow, like honey.  That's how you can remember."  As he held this up:

Overhearing, I asked him how it was used to make honey.  I was totally confused.  He responded, "It's a bee comb, mama.  That's how you make honey." The comb had come as part of a basket of baby Burt's Bees products - so it was, in fact, a bee comb.  Bee comb.  Honey comb.  Makes perfect sense.

It is so easy to forget that kids are piecing the world together from bits and pieces they pick up along the way.  Not everything always fits just right.  I took the opportunity to talk to him a bit about the process of making honey and the (not-so-secret, thanks to Google) lives of bees.  Apparently, there were a couple other misconceptions to clear up as well.  He thought bees lived in flowers - so we talked about pollen and hives.  We looked up pictures of honeycombs.  It was, what I thought, a fairly thorough lesson.

We even talked a little about homophones.  I used some examples he already knew: rock as in stone vs. rock as in music, the bow on a present vs. the bow of a violin, and my sister his Aunt vs. the bug ant. (No I didn't parse out homonyms and homographs for him - he's not even three, give him a break!)

I was feeling pretty good about our conversation and my ability to fill in the holes for him as he learns about the world around us.  Then, as I was walking away I heard him telling Zoe, "So the honeycombs are in hives.  Then the bees fly to each person's house to bring them the honey for their pancakes..."

Perhaps I still have some work to do.

WW: Day To Day

LGBT Equality Comes to City Hall

Are you in Philadelphia? Do you care about protections for LGBT families? What are you doing this Thursday?

As you may know, Councilman Jim Kenney’s comprehensive LGBT equality legislation recently passed unanimously out of committee and is going up for a final vote this Thursday, April 25th during a regular session of City Council.

Supporters of this bill are encouraged to attend Thursday’s final vote (wearing red) at Philadelphia City Hall, Room 400, 10am-12:30pm! (full details below).

From Kenney's office:

Help Pass the Philadelphia LGBT Equality Bill (No. 130224)Sponsored by Councilman Jim Kenney (at-large) Call to Action: Let’s FILL City Council Chambers (please wear red)!
When: FINAL VOTE this Thursday, April 25th – 10:00am-12:30pm
Where: Philadelphia City Hall, Council Chambers (Room 400-North Hallway) – Enter through N.E. Visitors Entrance
Please note: Supporters are asked to refrain from offering repetitive public comment. Wonderful public speakers have already been arranged and we don’t want to belabor the point with an already supportive City Council.

The vote count is very encouraging, but that doesn't mean they don't need us there to support this important bill. We want to make sure every member of City Council feels tremendously supported in their “YES” vote for equality.

Lastly, here are some of the exciting changes the bill will make:

1. Establishes Philadelphia 1st in the U.S. Equality Health Care Tax Credit -- to proactively close the insane gap in LGBT-friendly workplace health care coverage (Only 42% of jobs in Philadelphia offer domestic partners the same health coverage they offer spouses. Less than 10% of Philadelphia jobs offer full transgender-inclusive health coverage). The credit is optional and the Chamber of Commerce has endorsed. 
2. Ends health care discrimination for transgender City employees (1st on the East Coast). 
3. Offers a broad array of new transgender protections to ensure everyday life is increasingly fair. 
4. Creates equality for life partners and transgender Philadelphians by making all City forms LGBT-inclusive. 
5. Cements placement of "life partner" language next to spouse throughout the entire City Code. 

I am going to make every effort to get our family there wearing red. (Believe it or not Zoe has a stomach bug - I know it seems like we've been sick forever!  So we won't go if there are any lingering symptoms) I hope you and your families can attend. It's so important to put faces to these issues. I'm so happy that Councilman Kenney put forth this bill that could have such a positive impact on LGBT families - if only he'd had the same commitment to working families when the earned sick time legislation came to a vote.

See you Thursday!